A rare success
A person experiencing a rare
success will not automatically take credit for it (especially if
they have low self-esteem). Some people will
minimise their own role in the success -
readily explaining the outcome as being due to luck, other people
or as an exception.
When success does not breed success
'Success breeds success' does not work so well when the individual
minimises their own role in producing the success. They may be so
used to 'failure', and believe in themselves so little, that when
they have actually caused success, they don't believe it. If they
think that success was due to other factors, then they cut
themselves out of the positive cycle of 'success breeds success'.
When positive feedback is not believed
In some cases the individual will not believe the positive
feedback, and can even believe that they are being made fun of if
too much fuss is made of their achievement. If they get
embarrassed by being in the spotlight, they may not be too
motivated to go through such embarrassment again, and may
actually choose to avoid or hide their achievements. Peer group
pressure may ridicule some kinds of achievement.
Strategies for getting people to admit their success
- Encourage the person to talk about their success.
If they are reluctant to talk in front of a group, then find them
a partner or a small group in which they will be happier to speak
up about their success.
- Praise the person about their success.
Use reviewing methods that allow the praise to come from several
sources - especially from other group members. Such messages will
have greater credibility if they feature as part of a session in
which everyone is receiving positive appraisal, and not just the
individual who is resistant to praise and admitting success (see
Feedback)
- Create an opportunity for a repeat of the success or for
achieving something similar.
This should prove it wasn't a fluke or a trick the first time. If
'seeing is believing', then doing is even more so - especially if
doing it twice!
- If 'admitting success' becomes an issue, then use more
acceptable words (temporarily).
For example: people who are reluctant to talk about things they
do well may be happy to talk about things they 'like' and 'enjoy'
doing, and may even admit some improvement (but without calling
it or seeing it as a 'success').
- Respect the individual
Don't force the issue. An individual who is resistant to feedback
(even if the feedback is positive) has a right to opt out. By
making it OK to opt out, you are showing them respect and you are
supporting them. They are then free to choose if and when they
change their minds. They are likely to gain more
strength from this approach than from being forced into a
nonsensical surrender: "OK you win! I'll say I put in a fantastic
performance if it will make you happy".
Let's move on and assume that we now have a person accepting they
have achieved something.
From this point, more options open up.
EXPRESSING SUCCESS
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REVIEWING SUCCESS: INDEX
